Birds of a Feather

Season 1, Episode 3
Oct. 14, 1984

Gay Panic is defined as:

An overwhelming or overpowering fear of gays, or the fear that they will sexually assault you and/or rape you. This fear is based in the common belief that gays are way oversexed.

It crops up all over the place in our lives. In media it occurs mostly in comedy, but has shown up in such disparate places as Terminator 3 and the defense of Aaron McKinney in his trial for murdering Matthew Shepard.

Seriously. Go watch that scene and tell me that in 2003 that was somehow OK.

Without sounding dismissive, 1984 CBS was not the place to have gay characters. So I suppose we should be thankful that in the 3rd episode of the show they take Jessica to San Francisco and into a drag club owned by Martin Landau.

The club also randomly features Gabe "Welcome Back Kotter" Kaplan as a comedian who sits behind a drum kit and delivers his own rim shots.

Jessica arrives and we meet Victoria. They eat at a weird UK themed seafood restaurant and then decide to crash the aforementioned nightclub that Victoria's fiancee, Howard, works at. Howard is played by Jeff Conaway. He was Kenickie in Grease.

They use Jessica's fame to get into the club. She apparently has had 6 best-sellers and a movie deal...since the first episode. The bitchy gay maitre d' rolls his eyes at this and does his best Stanley Tucci in Pretty Woman, but eventually they get in. Jessica tosses of this great one-liner - "Have you noticed there's something a little strange about this place?" - just in time to watch Howard come running through the place chased by cops. He is wearing a purple dress. HILARIOUS!

Howard performs there. He hated his insurance job but was fired. Took the drag job for $$$. The implications are that he would never do this without the pay. He and Victoria spend a long amount of time making out. A sort of non-porn gay for pay. The other drag performer is also shown in a prolonged kissing scene with a woman.

Despite the premise, the show manages to only offend in a few places. The weird making out while in drag thing and the scene where they arrest Howard and play a bit of a pronoun dance calling him 'he' 'she' 'whatever'. Which is quickly followed by a scene at the police station where a black man in leather calls Howard princess and asks him on a date. Howard responds with a violent threat of a shoe in his mouth. Not only is this gay panic it's racially awkward.

Our bachelor police chief played by Harry Guardino, who was in Dirty Harry. He has an apartment full of plants and swirly art. He has a cat and wears a Save The Whales bathrobe. He admits to being 'nice' when outside the office.

The widow of Martin Landau is shown playing golf in a black pantsuit for no reason. With an attack dog at her side. Jessica tells her her outfit is pretty. Which...it isn't...and why?

The murderer used a pink satin pillow to muffle the gun. And at this point I just sort of rolled my eyes as Victoria and Howard got married and the bitchy maitre d' started balling like a baby. Even the title is a sort of strange code for gays congregating. The gay 'ghettos' of the world, etc.

What's interesting about film is that very gay characters and actors were all over the place. And not always in a negative light. On Soap, Billy Crystal's Jodie, considered the first regular gay character on a TV show, was on TV every week from 1977-1981. You can watch all of the 1977 episode of Maude, The Gay Bar, on YouTube. It's great television.

Modern TV gave us Roseanne's had a famous lesbian kiss with Mariel Hemingway. The Simpsons had an amazing episode with John Waters where Homer thinks Bart has caught the gay. Of course Ellen was and is groundbreaking.

The episode is not terrible on gay issues. There is not a lot of swishing. Aside from the gay maitre d', the gay tropes of TV are mostly not present. You want more but at least something of the culture was recognized and put out there. But did it do more harm then good? If they had left off the weird hitting on in the station bit and made the inspector more obviously gay, I'd call it good.

We don't have time machines, so I'd call it better than most. Which is sometimes, sadly, all you can get.